The Tale of Two Introverts | A Story About Needs
Have you ever asked yourself, “Why am I the way I am?”. If so, you’re like 99.99% of all the other humans on the planet. As a species, we want to understand ourselves. We desire to pull back all of the layers and expose that creative, weird, juicy center of ourselves. Of course, many of us only desire this in our most secret moments — the ones we don’t tell anybody about. For most of us, being truly seen, known, and accepted for who we are is such a precious experience that we barely dare to seek it.
It takes conscious exploration to know our true selves, and it takes unending courage to show our true selves to the world.
For those of us who are introverts, often times the intentional journey to know oneself can be sabotaged by judgment, anxiety, lack of time, stress, or burn-out. Then, showing our true selves to the world can often be sabotaged by self-doubt, withdrawal, apathy, or indifference. For introverts, understanding our nature is a good start to getting to know the answer to, “Why am I the way I am?”.
An old way of learning was telling stories. Parables and fables have served as allegories for hundreds of years. As humans, we learn by feeling. When we have strong emotions, and reflect on those emotions, we grow. Stories allow for us to be an intimate part of this experience with the character, and so the experiences and lessons we share with our fictional friends can also be a catalyst for growth and development in ourselves.
I’m about to share with you the story of an introvert at two different points in their life. The first story is about a thriving introvert with a life built around their needs. The second story is about that same introvert at a time in their life when they were the opposite of thriving and struggling against the world.
The First Tale
A beautiful human woke up in the world yesterday. This human was of middle stature, with soft golden skin, black hair sweeping their shoulders, a wide smile & soft brown eyes. They woke early, wide-eyed and bushy-tailed, refreshed from a night of sleep, and ready to invite the world in. They snuggled up to their partner’s back, kissed their neck, and scratched their shoulders. Before pushing their feet out from under the warm down comforter, they take a moment to center themselves, to bring all their energy into their body, and remember that regardless of what happens today, quiet will once again return, and stillness is available as needed, as a choice, throughout the day.
They enjoy greeting the day with their partner over tea and fruit, with soft music, candles, and cats at their feet. Computers and phones are stored away intentionally because the world does not own this time, this life, these precious moments. By introducing a boundary around screens, this person has restored more stillness into their lives.
“I come first,” says this human to the world.
After breakfast, this human sets out for a run and lifts weights, music blasting in over-the-ear headphones, and the mind floating away as sweat drips down their face. They follow this up with a stretching session, a bit of yoga, a shower, and a 20-minute meditation.
Now, it is time to start their day. They turn their phone on, open their laptop, and engagement with the world begins. They operate with ease because they are grounded in themselves. They have chosen work that allows them to control and schedule their interactions with others. When a stressful situation arises, they allow themselves to take a break and come back to their center before responding. They take breaks throughout the day to move their body, drink water, and step outside. They operate with balance & harmony. At the end of the day, they give themselves enough time to wrap up the day and organize their workspace for the morning.
As they transition from work to home life, they kiss their partner and share their day. Then, it’s decharge time. Blessed time completely alone, without interruptions. The phone is turned off, the kids, lovers, and friends are put aside for this time, and all intention is put towards grounding the self. Today, they sit in the sun, pet the dog, and listen to music.
Then, evening comes, and as evenings seem to love to do, it becomes a celebration of being alive. A nutritious meal is prepared, fun is had, laughter is shared, chores are done, rest is achieved.
At night, this beautiful human heads to bed. They read in bed and touch their partner, feet-to-feet, caressing under the blankets. As the lights are turned off, this human goes over in their mind everything that is right about the world. Gratitude fills their being.
The Second Tale
There was a beautiful human who woke up in the world a few years ago on this date. This human was of middle stature, with soft golden skin, black hair brushing their shoulders, a wide smile & soft brown eyes. They woke early, exhausted from a night of overthinking and anxiety, and already overwhelmed by the world they have to live in. They reach for their phone, and before their head even leaves the pillow, the outside world slams them in the face. Email notifications are like a softball of anxiety right to the gut. Social media reminds them of all the things they aren’t doing (but everyone else is). Their fit hit the floor, their hearts heaving, and they sigh and greet the day.
They drink coffee while surrounded by screens. Their partner sits across from them at the table, also enveloped in screens. They share snippets of their stress, tasks, work, gossip, and complaints.
After breakfast, this human’s intention is to go for a run. However, they lose track of time scrolling on their phone, and before you know it, they are rushing to get showered and ready for the day.
Now, it is officially time to start their day — but they’ve already been punching the clock, writing emails in their head, planning phone calls and presentations. Throughout the day, they are in a continuous state of overwhelm, with in-person meetings, zoom meetings, phone calls, emails, texts — what feels like a constant finger poking right in the center of their forehead. They skip breaks and eat lunch in front of their computer. Twenty minutes after they were supposed to clock out, they finally force themselves away from their desk, leaving things in disarray that they’ll have to get to tomorrow.
As they transition from work to home life, they snip at their partner, and an argument starts. It’s the oft-repeated competition of, ‘who is more tired’, and they struggle in vain to articulate why it is them that needs to do less, why they are underappreciated, and how it’s all not fair.
Then, evening comes, and as evenings seem to do, anxiety and overwhelm culminate. It’s truth time, and all the things that didn’t get done during the day have to be recognized. Self-beatup has to be administered, and shame has to be dished-out. It’s another night of food that barely nourishes the body, but it’s easy and it stops the hunger. They eat in front of the TV, and it’s a convenient excuse to finally be able to check the F out for a minute. It’s not really restful or rejuvenating, but they will take what they can get.
At night, this beautiful human goes to bed. They face away from their partner, curled up on their side, caressing the screen of their phone, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. As the lights are turned off, this human ruminates on everything that is wrong with the world. Worry fills their being.
As evident in these two stories, giving ourselves what we need is critical.
It changes how we show up in the world, and how we show up in the world changes everything — our jobs, our friends, our family, our success, and our satisfaction with life. In this life, your task, first and foremost, is to manage yourself. You are responsible for showing up as the best version of yourself. If you feel trapped and you don’t believe that it is possible to create a life that operates by your rules, ask yourself, what is it costing you to believe that?
